im having a threesome with these popsicles
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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