Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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