He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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