fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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