it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
