...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
