the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
