It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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