Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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