Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize