dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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