btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
