Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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