My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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