Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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