Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
