i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
