So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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