remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
