so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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