Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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