I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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