Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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