Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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