I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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