When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
