This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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