P.S. I can't hear my feet
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
