And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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