i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am naked and annoyed.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
