So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
