Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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