she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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