She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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