it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
