Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My vagina is officially offended.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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