does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Randomize
