Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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