I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
