yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
