apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
