ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i dont even know how to be here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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