Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
