I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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