It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
