I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
