Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
