Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
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I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize