last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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