Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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