How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
