So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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