and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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