I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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