I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
