apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
