This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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