Me too!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
