on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
