I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
