Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
