This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
