My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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