Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
