remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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