i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
