Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
