There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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