Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
