Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
