I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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