yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
