i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
