She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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