there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
