WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
