oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
