I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
